All the Rage by Darcy Lockman & Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

All the Rage by Darcy Lockman

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Rating:   ✩✩✩✩✩

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This book was a large part of the source material for Kate Mangino’s Equal Partners and had been on my TBR list for a while.  All the Rage digs deep into the cultural phenomenon of women doing WAY more house/child care even when both partners work full-time, have equal education and claim to be into feminist equity.  Using an easily readable blend of anecdotal evidence, debunking of “science” regarding sex-differences and her own experience as a psychologist, Lockman gets right to the heart of why women “invest” while men just “skate.” My only critique is that while this is such a good investigation into the “why” and “how,” it doesn't dig into the “what.” As in “what the hell do we do now other than divorce so the courts mandate a 50/50 split of childcare?”  This book will, in a good way, raise your blood pressure, get you mad and make you start looking for change in your own home and the world at large. 

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Published by: Harper Perennial  Release Date: 19 May 2020 

 Purchase at: Bookshop.org

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

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Rating:   ✩✩✩✩✩

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Another source material for Kate Mangino’s Equal Partners,  Fair Play answers the question left by Lockman’s All the Rage: how do we fix this?  Rodsky gives partners actual, step by step (with tools!)instruction on how to evaluate the labor of keeping a family going and how to split it fairly.  While I did not like the way the book focused on mostly women-identifying partners initiating the process (now the method is also unpaid labor!), I am sympathetic to the structures that mean it almost has to be “us” who upend the status quo.  That said, the method is specifically designed to take the process in digestible steps that offer both partners negotiation space on the pathway to household equity.  The concept of “fair/equitable” not always being “equal” was very helpful and allows for adaptation to various levels of disability, mental illness and accommodations for those of use who are not neurotypical. The crowning jewel however is the idea that each task includes the entire task, from planning to execution, is immensely helpful.  If you are carrying the famous “mental load” this book is a must-read for everything from a quick evaluation of household labor to a complete relationship overhaul.

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Published by: G. P. Putnam’s Sons  Release Date: 05 January 2021

  Purchase at: Bookshop.org